I've labored to write here so many times over the past few years. Each time, it's seemed I've been so very clogged within and entirely unable to get out what I was trying to say. Much clarity has come, of late, and on this subject of spiritual blocks, I must intimate some things I've observed in my life.
Disobedience confuses and blinds us from seeing clearly and understanding the ways of God as they unfold in our lives. As I've been reading the books "Respectable Sins" by Jerry Bridges and "The Mortification of Sin" by John Owen, I've been struck by how seldom we see sin for the cancer that it is, and how we grade it in degrees; with those of which we personally struggle, being the least odious, and those into which others fall, the most vile and unforgivable. I've been struck by this, as I've felt my own joy wane these past years and haven't quite understood the cracks through which I'd let my joy leak.
We are so apt to view life as that which happens to us; people acting upon us, hurting us, loving us, leaving us; circumstances unfolding beyond our control; talents dispensed or withheld without our choosing; externals bearing down upon us without our seeming consideration. We rarely view these things as God intends them to be seen, and so we traverse this broken globe feeling wronged; the victim of injustice and with just a little less than the rest.
Our faith eyes are delicate and our lenses must continually be cleaned. We must, throughout our days remove the flecks and debris that inevitably accumulate. Without this mind renewal, we will unknowingly drift into some swollen eddy, wherein the foam and froth will clot about our eyes and we will begin to hurl blame at others, forgetting the good Master who would have prevented our wandering in the first place.
I was recently challenged regarding a trying circumstance, to simply ask myself who it was I was living to please. That great, spiritual mind-distillation of the Word immediately lifted all that dross and excess from my thinking and I saw at once how my joy and life had seeped out and away from me.
I'd been faced with the repeated failure to please others in my life, coupled with the repeated failure of others to understand me. In response to this, rather than clearing my gaze and resettling myself in living for Christ alone, I tried piecing together a puzzle of the expectations I'd missed and living henceforth to replicate and satisfy them. In so doing this, my heart was further darkened, as I thought it could convince those same ones to see my point of view as they observed how hard I was trying to please them. Neither attempt worked and it seems that we're now farther away from when we'd begun this pointless game.
Our hearts can't handle any allegiances other than to the one true God and then ordered out from Him to others He appoints for us to love and serve. When we function as "wise in our own eyes" we find trouble where we'd factor resolution and mountains of confusion as we attempt to reason our way to rationalize our point of view.